Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
