OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
