so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
