Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need a beard to bite.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
