you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
