Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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