ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
