Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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