If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
