i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
