Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
