nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
