great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
