she peed on how many people?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
