I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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