Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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