Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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