just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
