I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
