she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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