I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
