Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
