are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
