I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
