do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
