Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
