Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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