Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
