i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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