i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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