Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
