guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you would pick up someone in the library
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
