is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
