i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
