in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
