I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
wow bdsm is so cute
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