i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
