I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
