my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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