hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize