While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
