I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
