People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize