Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
