i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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