come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize