tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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