marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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