i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
