Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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