You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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