I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
