So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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