Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
