I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They took my balls.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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