Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
