Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
