dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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