I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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