just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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