after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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