I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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