This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
