found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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