I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
