Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
