watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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