I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
