She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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