Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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