i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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