So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
