Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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