Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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