Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize