she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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