go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
