the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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