I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize