wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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