this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
