Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
