You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
