i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
