Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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