I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
