is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
