I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
