yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They have beer where we have blood.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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