You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
