i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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