I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
