Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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