at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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