It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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