So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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