I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
