let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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