How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
